Return
by Nanamicchi
Summary: [Spoilers up to 130s of Tokyo Ghoul. TouKen. Third genre: Friendship] "How convenient it would be if I could simply return..."


_**It's a really confusing story, so read it thoroughly, to the end. For those who couldn't make out what was going on, I prepared a summary filled with explanation. :D This story is a try to polish my describing of psychic problems.**_

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><p><em><strong>0: Ad hominem<strong>_

Pleasant day began as the small bright circle emerged from behind the concrete forest firmly entangling one of Tokyo's wards. I looked with disbelief at the beautiful scenery widening outdoors. My heavy eyelids were unable to blink even once, so I kept staring at blazing sun, which devastated my eyes.

As I got out of the hypnosis I decided to finally get up and head to the bathroom. Lecturer won't wait after all… One step out of the bed and my whole body recovered from sleepiness and exhaustion. A really intriguing sensation spread through my body.

"Hm?" pausing my actions for a second, peering at my upper then lower parts of my body. Everything seemed normal. A superficial sigh escaped my mouth.

"I'm becoming even more paranoid. Must be the book from yesterday" I peered at piled books near my bed. The first one, slightly damaged cover showing a dressed up man, completely lost in darkness. One of the psychological horrors, latest masterpiece of Takatsuki Sen. The content of this novel was different, more touching and thought-provoking.

A man losing everything he had, everything he knew – nothing original, even mainstream. Just a story about misery and tragedy which cannot be omitted. Simple, not like the earlier works.

But it had affected my psyche.

I felt like I once had read it…

"_**It's me!"**_

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><p>"Kaneki" a sudden voice, allowed me to escape my thoughts. I smiled to him cheerfully and took a sip of a coffee. Strong taste filled my taste buds, the whole body covered in goose bombs. Lips stiffening, pupils lost somewhere, only the white part visible. Eyeball twitched.<p>

"Delicious" I whispered, fingers tangling. Head turned down, eyes trying to pierce through the floor, while searching for something. "What do you think, Hide? How's your cake?" The hand of my friend wandered to me, holding snakingly a plate with a beautifully placed and decorated cake. It was a creamy one, with multiple stocks of sponge cake covered with strawberry muss and then with a thick layer of cream. A strawberry on the top highlighted and manifested its completion.

"Thanks" a quite response escaped my mouth. Such a joy overwhelmed me.

'_Wait, can I eat it? I just couldn't hold myself back…'_

'_Like my body moved by itself'_

'_Moved by the very thought of gaining something'_

'_Something that would calm me'_

'_Soothe me…'_

'_I want to eat it'_

'_But I can't'_

'_Wait…'_

'_Why?'_

'_Because it's gross?'_

'The very thought of tasting something that taste like a rotting fish?'

'Wasn't it supposed to be sweet?'

'My mom's cake was incredible'

'Have I changed so significantly?'

'No, I'm still me'

'I've a normal life, friends which I can rely on'

I finally get a bite of it. Firstly I gently chopped it with a fork, then quickly put it on my tongue.

"**Ngh"**

My vision became hazy, colorful spots soared in the air. I exhaled softly, my head moved back, neck more visible and highlighted. Adam's apple sticking not that significantly out.

"**Grh"**

A sudden laugh reverberated through the room. It was both horrifying and reassuring. The dissonance was incomprehensible.

Such a powerful, high laugh was, though, not noticed by Hide who was rather a bit pale. His livid skin, limbs not moving, eyes without any gleam.

His upper lip twitched and moved not so quickly. Incomprehensible words could be heard.

"thg…"

"Hy.."

"It's funny right, Hide?! I can eat it! Without any problem! It's just as good as my mother's hamburgers!" I exclaimed, my hand grasped his arm and squeezed it strongly.

"Kaneki" Hide called my name quietly, without moving anything apart from his lips.

"Don't worry, I'll leave something for you! It's **yours **after all!"

"Kaneki…" even quieter voice could be heard, I gently placed the plate, with strawberry muss spattered on it. Only the red colour could be seen, it covered 99,9% of the fragile, white and porcelain plate. Vivid liquid tried to escape the surface of the plate, but I stopped it with my finger. I licked it off, mouth forming a smile.

"Delicious" I said with emphasis.

"Please, stop…"

"You're not hungry? It's a shame…Such a masterpiece of confectionery is going to be wasted…!"

"…Stop"

"_**Just try it! It's good, for fuck's sake!" **_

I placed my hands around his neck, firmly squeezing it with all my force, that I had left. Nagachika hissed from pain, which overwhelmed him. He tried to inhale, but without any good result.

"_**Return… just do it"**_

"Huh?" I uttered and looked around searching for an answer. I scanned my left side, then went for the right.

Nothing.

What I searched for was lying in front of me, or more specifically under me.

Under me, who pinned his hands to the floor. His shoulder nearly ripped off, torn muscles entangling the wound.

I was hyperventilating, watery eyes completely covered my vision.

"Finally, you returned" he whispered hitting my forehead with his shaking finger. "Haha..gh"

"…Hidee…"

My friend's chest began to move less significantly, eyes started to shut themselves tightly. His hovering hand moved back to his chest. He stopped breathing.

I began the CPR, hands tightly pressing the point on his chest. Tears going down my face, circling under my eyes, falling right into his face.

"_**Please!"**_

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><p>"I already knew, man!...Who cares about that! Let's just go home already."<p>

'Eh? What did he say? Wasn't he dead?'

'I killed him after all'

'I ripped off half of his shoulder!'

'It was a dream'

"Here, I prepared something for you…" his gentle hand holding a small package moved towards me. It wasn't a stiff limb, which I nearly ate. It was a blood-filled arm, with some not really visible muscles. His lips formed a huge smile, as he handed a small package to me. They weren't livid and stiff…

I rushed to open the package and ate it utterly.

"Argghhaaaa!" a sharp yell cut through the air, probably hurting Hide's ears. It wasn't just a yell filled with unbearable pain.

It was also a yell of relief.

"I want to help you" I calmed myself down. Looked around. Took a huge breath and wiped my tears off.

"Thanks. Good you're here" I smiled. "I thought I was going crazy"

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><p><em><strong>A really twisted and confusing story.<strong>_

_**The first part was about Kaneki (human side) wanting his normal life back, wanting the memories to go away (being a created story). So the whole cafeteria part was just a vision of hungry Kaneki, his ghoul part dreaming about eating some flesh. The coffee was blood, while the cake was flesh. Then the human side interrupted, wanting to eat normal things again. This part of his psyche also knew he couldn't eat Hide. By sharing his portion Hide literally tried to give Ken some of his own flesh. Ken, though, while eating wanted to share as well (Gave Hide his own (Hide's) flesh), wanted to show him what being a ghoul means. How hard it is. He wanted to search for reassurance and support. **_

_**The whole situation turned out to be a vision. **_

_**Hope you enjoyed such a twisted story**_

_**Waiting for your reviews :D**_


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